Wednesday, September 08, 2004
We're doomed!!
After my blow dryer exploded, forcing me to buy a new one (how's that for an opening line?) I read the instructions. Number seven said, "Never use while sleeping," which, after I finished giggling, reminded me of an old e-mail someone had sent me. I hunted it down and hereby memorialize it for your reading pleasure (and mine). Enjoy!
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are actual warning labels and instructions found on consumer goods. Check it out when you're in the stores.
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day...)
Cooking instructions on a package of Bacon: "Broil slices for 6-7 minutes on each side. No turning necessary" (Do they turn themselves over?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I have to admit I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
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'night. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are actual warning labels and instructions found on consumer goods. Check it out when you're in the stores.
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day...)
Cooking instructions on a package of Bacon: "Broil slices for 6-7 minutes on each side. No turning necessary" (Do they turn themselves over?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I have to admit I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
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'night. :)
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