Midnight Musings

I'm not a gambler. I don't even take many calculated risks. When I do, anyone I tell is completely shocked. I ask God for direction, so it's not really a risk from that standpoint. But in dealing with people, sometimes you just have to guess. They act one way with one person, differently when around another. What is real? What can you count on? People are generally shallow and interested in material and fleeting pleasures. Kindness and honestly are in short supply and I always grab for it when I find it. But what else is mixed in? Nothing here on earth is pure. There is always something hidden and no one can know anyone completely, not even oneself. So, do we keep the world at arm's length or open up those arms? What about our minds? A disillusioned friend asked me last week what I wanted. I gave my stock answer, "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up." I honestly didn't know what else to say, which is sad. I know I want to write. But what? Songs. But I don't want to shop them around. I don't have enough confidence for that. I can barely let go of them long enough to allow someone else to read them. What am I passionate about? My kids, but that's not a living. I want to do something that counts. That's all I know. I recently heard a song lyric that went, "There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done." But it's the deal I'm having trouble with. Sigh. 'night.

Who are these people who spend time creating this nonsense? Gotta love 'em. ;)

bugging you

'night.

Never say never. I think that was a James Bond movie. I can't stand those movies. I like Sean Connery now that he's outgrown that persona, though. But I digress...

Why is it that when you say something never happens, it suddenly does? Or you hear a word for the first time, and then you hear it half a dozen times more in the next few days? Or when you give up on someone, they show up and make you think twice? I don't know what to make of these people. I pray for them, I try to be there for them, they withdraw when I could be helpful and then, when I give up on ever hearing from them again, they call me. Just after I'd told someone a friend had disappeared, he reappeared once again. I'm happy to have been wrong but I have a feeling it's going to be like this for a while, now. It's a good thing I have other friends or I'd be awfully lonely.

'night.

Someone thinks he's cool, anyway. 

I've mentioned my friend, Steve, before. He writes the world's shortest e-mails. ("Thanks for the e-mail. Love, Steve.") I love him to pieces, he'll talk on the phone for an hour, but I can't expect anything substantial from him in black and white.

Well, I checked my e-mail after going to the beach for a few days and the man has outdone even himself. I know it was an effort to look up my address and send me *anything*, but this one said only, "Happy Fourth. Steve." I rewarded him with an example of a proper communication, which I'm sure made no impression whatsoever. He probably think's we're even, now.

'night.